just another gastric bypass story

Five years ago I had GB surgery. I was approaching 300 lbs. I ended up losing a little over 100 and I have gained back 30. I have no regrets about having this surgery done. It did change my life. I can't eat as much as I used to and exercise is now a very real part of my life.



For me there are some dangers that remain and one that has been created. What has been created is that while I cannot eat a lot at one sitting...an hour or two later I am ready to go again. I can eat and eat every couple hours. This, in the end, can turn into over eating. The other danger that remains is that I never really did conquer my overeating/addictive food habits.When I had the surgery. They "screened" me. Which is kind of a joke. I'm not blaming anyone. They certainly were caring people but come on. I'm 300 lbs. ... I will answer any question the way you want me to in order to get that surgery. That and not gaining weight from original weigh in were my only requirements. Of course I had to pass all the other physical tests. I wasn't a smoker and turns out everything else was ok and I was eligible.



I'm sad to have gained back some of the weight. I long to be a size 10 again but I sit at 14. I have a horrible body image again. I can't bear to look at myself or have my picture taken. I feel huge, a awful yucky feeling.I don't know were all my GB friends went. We had a internet group and I even attended a gathering out of town. Slowly one by one they have all disappeared. I often wonder how they are all doing. Were they able to keep it off? The ones that weren't..how are they dealing with this.



Now for the week...not a great one but I knew it wouldn't be. There's just something about going back to work after having the summer off. I never handle it well. I'm going to visit another Y in my neighborhood and get their schedule and then hopefully get a workout schedule/rountine set up for myself.



I'm going to consider running again. Someone here posted this kind of neat program for people who want to begin running. I forget what it's is called...it's something about going from a couch potatoe to running. I'll hunt it down and find it again. I'm going to go out and buy some running shoes and give it a try again. ugh!!

Good morning..

Still in stress mode getting through this first week of back to school. I have not been to the gym all week but I am trying to walk, do steps, and eat right. Sort of doing ok. Went out last night and I had a ceasar salad with grilled chicken..told them to leave off the cheese but I should have said dressing to the side. It had a lot of dressing on it. I couldn't even eat the whole thing. Plus they had great Italian bread to dip in olive oil and herbs. yummy. It was a birthday celebration but I had no cake!!!

I'm really thinking I want to try running again. I do walk with spurts of running but I don't have the right shoes and I think I need to either find a pair that is good for both walking and running or just get a pair of running shoes. I don't seem to have the stamina for long bouts of running but I try to run about 6-10 times during my one hour walk.

Breakfast...banana with bran cereal/no milk, 2 HB eggs. I think lunch will be Subway...6 inch turkey with veggies only and no dressing.

Have a good day.

New School Year..

This is just a stressful week for me and I'm not going to put a lot of pressure on myself. I did fairly good yesterday but did have some corn chips and a couple sugar free ice cream bars. I shouldn't have. The first week of school is always stressful for me. Worst of all I can't get to the gym to exercise. I am trying to get some walking in but it's just hard. I just commit myself this week to eating right and fitting in exercise during the day when I can. Once things settle down I will have my new school year routine. Does sound like an excuse...and you're right. That's because I still feel healthy eating and regular exercise are not a habit for me yet. I am trying.

I work out at the Y. A lot of people don't like the Y as in YMCA but I have found that they are all different. This week I'm going to work on picking up exercise schedules from two other Y's that are nearby. Between the three I should be able to come up with a pretty good routine. I love my Y but the classes I like are limited. I like classes because I need someone over me for 45 or 60 minutes. Hopefully I will come up with a good plan.

This week I atteneded the funeral for the mother of a good friend of mine. I never met her. I just met my friend last year. She was a beautiful person, a wonderful mother, and someone who loved her church. I was so touched by the story of her life, the pictures. I was so touched by the beautiful ceremony. It was a testament to the life she led and the people she loved. She was challenged with a weight problem that seemed to happen after the birth of her children. She was only sixty. She had diabetes. Her kidneys failed. When they tried to insert a port for medication, her heart stopped. It was time for her to go home and see God. She loved many people and reached out in many ways. As a mother, I could only hope to love my children as she did. I also feel inspired and reminded that it is important to keep our health. I don't know how she faced her life as an overweight person. I don't know if she tried diets or exercise but I'm betting she did. I'm betting I know exactly how she felt time and and time again living that way in this world. I want to take what I have learned from her to inspire me to make good food choices and eat healthy. When I'm struggling and down, I want to remember S. I want to take the message of her life and make mine better. Rest in peace S. I know God welcomed his newest angel to watch over all of us.

Is it Friday yet?

SCALES = THE ENEMY

THE ENEMY!!!

Tonight I got lost in Blog land. It wasn't my first time if I am to be truthful. It is the first time I've gotten lost in all the weight loss blogs. I love you all!!!!! WOW. When I started this blog and got my first couple comments I visited those blogs and added them onto a blog list. I didn't know if I should ask or what and I hope they don't mind that I did. Now I've been to about a zillion weight loss blogs and honestly I'm tired!! I can't possible list them all but let me just give a blanket shout out here and now. You guys rock. I love reading about you , which is really reading about me. I plan on showing up every night to read and get support.



I have not weighed myself yet. One blogger is having a Christmas challenge and I can't join because I don't want to weigh myself. Here's the truth. I think I'm over 200 lbs and seeing that is just going to make me bawl. I worked so dam hard to have my weight start with a one that I'm afraid I will be so discouraged to see a weight amount that begins with a 2.



So..I'm asking..no begging for some help or suggestions here. I know I have to get my weight down so I can start keeping track .. I just don't know where to begin. That sounds crazy even writing it. If you can relate or have an idea...HEEELLLPPP.

Feeling Big..

Last night as I was laying in bed dreading going back to work today I was thinking about why I hate to weigh myself. Of course I'm sure many of you can relate to this..plain and simple...who really wants to know? I wonder why I think it's better that I don't know? I especially don't want to weigh myself right now because I feel big. I can feel it. My bigness. Feeling awkward in every move and position. The good news is when I make healthy food choices I feel better. That is what I need to keep remembering.

Make good food choices!! Now I'm off to work.

Sunday nite blues and weekly goals

Well I must be bored a bit today because this is my second time posting. I've also changed the look of my blog but I don't like it. I don't understand how people have templates that aren't the ones we are given a choice to have. Do you download them from someplace else? I guess us non-techys may never know.

Anyway...I got a little lost in blog land today and I was reading how some have a weekly goal and I thought...ok...I am going to do this. Usually I start out with the easy stuff but this week I'm going to go right for the biggest problem I have...night eating. So my goal for this week is to not eat after 7pm. The only exception will be if I work out and have to eat dinner after 7. That is allowed but other than that..nothing. I'm going to work really hard at doing this.

Do you make weekly goals or mini goals?

Also I am a teacher. So UGH this time of year. Tomorrow is my first day back to work so I'm having my usual sunday night blues. Last winter I took ice skating lessons on sunday night to help combat my sunday night blues. Not much helps!!! Have a great week everyone.

Weekends and Boso ball

So this weekend my eating wasn't so terrible (which is another way of saying it wasn't that good either) but I drank a lot. I drank cosmos fri nite and whiskey last night. But I did use low calories cranberry juice and no calorie soda with the whiskey. I know that isn't great..but sometimes you just have to have a drink.

I exercised Friday but that's kind of it for the weekend..ugh. Friday the usual class instructor was not there and we had a sub. She was really great and we did some new things. She had us use the Boso ball.

I'll just say here and now...I didn't like it. I loved her class but I have serious balance issues in my old age. (cough) It was hard to stand on and lay on..but I tried it. Same goes for rebounding. I tried that class last fall with a friend of mine. Hated it!! I can't take all that jumping and her and I together was not a good combo. Every time we tried to talk and look at each other we lost our balance and got a good glimpse at how exactly silly we must look jumping on that little trampoline thingy. Mostly by the end of class I felt like my female parts were up in my throat. But...I kept with my workout theme this year for trying new things. You have to change it up..so they say. I added the pics here for you to see if you are not familiar with either.

I also did a boot camp this summer that was at 5:45 am. I did like it a lot but it was three days a week and we had three and sometimes four different instructors. Turns out I only really liked the one instructor so found myself attending only on the day she taught.

Mostly I like classes because it forces me to work out for 45-60 minutes. I always add another 40-60 minutes of some type of cardio..either at the gym or a walk at home.

I still haven't weighed myself.

Friday

It's Friday. The weekends are hard for me. I have time to work out and exercise but without the structure of a work schedule...I tend to over eat. Plus it's night out time. Overall it was a good week. I worked out four times this week but probably didn't do enough cardio.

Have a great weekend.

Pretzels and Night Eating

I'm a snacker. Yesterday was a fairly good day except for pretzels. I just can't keep any crap like that in the house because I snack on it instead of other good choices. Good new..they are gone now.

Had a minimal workout at the gym. Did some elliptical and some weight machines. I'm planning on heading back when I get finished with this post.

I still struggle with this night eating issue. I wish I could just sew my lips shut after 7 pm. Hmm..maybe I could invent something that would do that and then not release it until 7 am the next day.

I got a new ipod! I love my ipod to walk and exercise with. If you don't have one I would say it's an excellent investment. This is my second. This one is a little bigger. I got it at ebay. So I'm trying something new. I downloaded a book from iTunes. Going to see how that is for exercise.

Anyway.....hoping for a good day here. No snacking...good meals...water and exercise. Wishing you the same.

A New Blog

Today I'm starting this new blog -- who cares? I say that because I know in the blog world it's just you and this big white box you type in. Well that said, I'm going to make a good effort here to write about and focus on the issues of food, losing weight, how I feel about my body and aging. No light topic and certainly ones that receive excess attention. But this one is about me.

I lost 100 pounds and I have gained back 30. Sucks huh! At my lowest I was a lovely size 10 and now 14's are getting tight. To some, size 10 may not be a goal but I'll take it. I don't like that I feel the pounds are back. I'm terrifired to weigh myself. How do I know...my size 12 jeans are TIGHT, I'm spilling out of my bra, and my rings are getting tight. What else does one need to know.

I'm having serious issues with motivation. I struggle with eating at night..mostly after dinner. I can all day and have a great day but when 8 pm hits..I wanna eat. I like to exercise and walk once I get my butt out the door. I play a lot of head games with myself getting there.

I'd love to have a network of people where I can come and get support and share ideas but I know that is a lofty goal for a blog. I'll just be content with coming here and getting things out, working it out at my keyboard and hopefully this will help me.

This weekend we had a party which meant party food in the house. This morning I tried to get rid of things. The cake is GONE, the chips are GONE! This will help because I have no will power when it's in the house.

btw...I am 50..that's my story and I'm sticking with it. I'm going kicking and screaming into this next decade of my life and I want to feel BETTER. I'd like to weigh 150. I don't know what I weigh right now because I'm afraid to get on the scale but I'm pretty sure it's 200. YUCK.