I sometimes feel like my body is getting away from me. I don't like how I feel in my body and for weeks I have been in this deep, downward spiral. I could write about all the excuses but even I am so sick and tired of hearing myself say them again and again. I feel that slowly, slowly it is becoming too late. My lover will soon not want me for this body. Am I forever going to be fighting myself out of this? I hate it here.